Suck it up, buttercup

Repeat after me "suck it up buttercup, suck it up buttercup".....nope, still didn't work...

It won't come as new news to anyone who has cared enough to pay any attention over the last ten / eleven weeks that I've not been in a happy place with my training and health. 

And I've not blogged since my Glenmore escapades as I primarily didn't have the energy, and secondarily, didn't know where to start or what to say.

I spent a good few weeks fighting the onslaught of a cold, which would come on one day and improve the next, I got more and more fatigued, and then it all caught up with me, and week days consisted of trying to get through a day at work before heading home and hitting the sofa and an early bed. 

Weekends were a sorry time, when the heart wanted to be out doing 'something', and the body and head refused.  I was starting to liken myself to a wee old lady that got taken for a wee 'drive out' of an afternoon..and I struggled to stay awake for the short drives in the countryside Clark would insist I went on.

I was eating a load of veg...kale and spinach with everything (I was supplementing it with plenty sugary stuff I shouldn't have been munching as well, thinking I needed it to give me a boost, and the odd wee hot toddy to fight the germs...), and plenty of paracetamol.  No joy.

So I caved, and went to the doctors.  I spent about 40 minutes at my first appointment scaring the bejeezus out of the medical student, who clearly wasn't anticipating, or experienced at dealing with, my tale of woe first thing in the morning....And most of you reading this will know what it's like trying to explain 'I'm a runner...long distance....I dropped out of my last race after 12.5 hours having only run 56 miles....'.  It just doesn't compute with a lot of folk.  And trying to add context of 'I know I should be tired after my race, but not this exhausted, this IS different...'......met with more blank expression. 

What she did get quite hung up on was that I was miserable about the whole situation...and clearly from this, it was more interesting to try and diagnose me with depression than it was to understand what was causing the extreme fatigue. Cue ongoing spiral of questioning about whether I was "still able to enjoy the things I usually enjoy?"..."no, I'm too tired...can you help explain the tiredness so I can go running please??".  I get that they need to cover the options, but I'm not the kind of girl who would rather sit on the sofa all the time, rather than be outside!  Normally when I'm a bit tired or run-down I go for a wee run to get the endorphin boost to recharge the batteries!

Eventually another doctor joined us, and decided blood tests were order of the day...well, not that day....please make an appointment....in 10 days time when the nurse is next available!!??

And so, no sign of improvement and no sign of cause being uncovered anytime soon....I decided to start topping up the vitamin dosage...a multi-vitamin, a cod-liver oil with extra A & D (apparently loads of us Scots are deficient in Vit D), and some Green Magic (special superfood powdered blend of spirulina and all sorts of stuff designed to help immunity and health)...also started on First Defense, and using anti-bac hand gel to try and keep any further germs at bay!), and using my Lumie sunrise alarm in the mornings!  Every little helps??!!

Bloods taken, and results arrive...all clear.  Good I guess.....if somewhat disappointing there was nothing to point a finger at.  I went back to see the doc, and that was a pretty clear waste of time....
Doc: "there's nothing in the blood results, there's nothing else I can do"
Me: "I wasn't making this up, you understand that?"
Doc: "did you complete the depression questionnaire?"
Me: "No, I explained I was only miserable as I'm not training, because I'm exhausted, and I disagree with filling in a questionnaire which is so blatantly structured in a way it is easy to understand how the results are analysed, and could easily be skewed"  (nb...I'm an analyst...and have spent considerable years designing questionnaires and research)
Doc: "I'm not sure what else there is to say..."
Me: "So you think I should just suck it up and get on with it"
Doc: *nods*..."what we usually suggest in these situations is that you try some exercise..."
Me: <exits>

So, we are where we are I guess....trying to suck it up....taking baby steps and trying to rebuild one wee bit at a time, test and learn...and hoping no-one and nothing knocks the cards down, as I tentatively replace each one...

I've done a little training...and it's not been easy...things are hurting more than they "should", and the DOMS are interestingly bad after even a 3 or 6 mile run...


And it's taken a while to come round to writing this up.  I wanted to do it for a couple of reasons.  
Primarily, because I've tried to be open and honest in the rest of my blogging, I wanted to continue to tale.  
Second, because I'm not sure we always hear the stories of 'when things go wrong'.  

Social media is full of posts on a daily and hourly basis of everyone out having a 'GREAT training run', 'an AWESOME race'...PB's and running further, faster, higher, harder than they did the day before, or that morning.  

Running is hugely accessible, with marathons and ultras increasingly popular.  Many of the Scottish races selling out within hours of entries opening.  The ultra community is brilliant - everyone is so welcoming and sharing - there are training runs up and down the country every weekend where runners welcome you in, and embrace you as a friend.  

And I'm not knocking that!  I've met some true friends through running and ultras, and been inspired by so many amazing achievements and dedication, both those running, and those who give up their time to support, crew, marshal and organize the great races I've had the pleasure to be part of.

What is a challenge or risk...and maybe something I've fallen into the 'trap' this year to a small extent is that there's an increasing environment of people needing to do more, all the time.  Driving people to enter races when they've not got any 'history' to support their step-up to such big distances, or to enter more races each year than they have time to recover from the last.  I always say there's no hiding place in a marathon and that is compounded ten-fold when you get to an event like the Fling, the Devil, Great Glen etc

Damage isn't always visible on the outside, nor does it always manifest itself in pain of the sort that stops you training.  I'm a sports massage therapist, so I'm somewhat qualified to pass opinion here. Sometimes it's the things you can't see or feel that are the most disruptive or destructive....and that's my final thoughts.  

Take care people, and don't just keep jumping on the bandwagon.  Our health is something we must respect, and the races will be there for many years to come.  
Serve your time, do the training and build up through the distances.  And don't neglect the opportunity to marshal or crew...you'll be surprised what an eye-opener that can be!!

2015 plans are in the offing.  More on that some other day....