U.T.....OMG!!

It's been almost 18 months since I last wrote a blog...and almost as long since I felt like writing one.  A lot has changed and life has moved on.  Stepping into a new year and finding another challenge to keep me honest has also led me back to feeling the need to write some stuff down!

In 2019 I had myself a wee sabbatical from running 'events' and broadened my horizons by undertaking a 12 month (200 hour) yoga teacher training course at the wonderful Merchant City Yoga in Glasgow.  Finding a whole new world of insight and understanding about the world of yoga, and what's going on in my head under the honest, sometimes scary, passionate teaching of Judi and Rose-ann.  I had planned to blog that whole experience, wrote a couple of posts and then got side-tracked and didn't.  Maybe this year I'll back-fill some of that story more and share some of what and how I learnt, and how I can apply it to my everyday world of getting through this thing called life.  Safe to say it gave me more than I ever imagined and I'm now loving teaching a few classes every month, helping others to understand some of the benefits yoga can bring to them.

I digress....back to the present day....and why the urge to resurrect the blog?

I've a new adventure to tackle....I'm scared, excited...and in denial...all at the same time!

I had a plan (I love a plan for many things in life..and get frustrated with myself and others when it needs to change for whatever reason...my adoption curve to change is not always that speedy...).  The 2020 plan was to return to ultra running, while keeping a strong grip on the yoga practices I had integrated into my life.  Yes, there would be a bit less yoga as the 'pressure' of completing the teacher training had eased...but I saw no reason why the running couldn't slot back in, now that I also almost had a grip on this commuting malarkey.

 So I entered the event that is closest to my heart, the West Highland Way race.  96 miles from Milngavie to Fort William.  An event I've completed 3 times before, and I was delighted to get picked through the ballot and offered a place on the entry list of 300 lucky souls.  I also entered (and succeeded in the ballot) the Highland Fling, as the perfect training 'race' in the lead up to WHW.

On the back-burner was an entry into the complex ballot process for UTMB.  Notoriously hard to get through and *usually* takes about 3 years to be offered a place.  I had put in the ballot in 2019 (mostly just because I actually had enough points to enter), knowing the odds were heavily weighted on rejection...which was the outcome.  I *expected* the same fate in 2020, and my heart was focused on WHW, with a view to potentially being lucky enough to be offered a UTMB place in 2021....

The best laid plans..... a message flashed up on my phone during a meeting at 09:05 on 9th January from John Munro..."Who's a lucky girl then?".....fuck, fuck, fuck...what does that mean??  My heart stopped and my stomach flipped.  Knowing John's usual levels of sarcasm I feared 'the worst'...that I'd actually got a place.... Quick dash out of the meeting and my fear was confirmed with a 'Oui' from UTMB!

170km.....10,000+ meters of ascent....2,300 runners....and a 46.5 hour time limit!

That WAS NOT THE PLAN!!

"I'm not doing it."

"Some things are just meant."

"I'm not doing it."

"You've got the time for the training.  Best you have a glass of wine and a big think."

"I'm not doing it."

"It's just whether you want to commit.  U might not get in again."

"I'm not doing it."

"Sometimes the adventures you weren't expecting are the best ones."

"I'm not doing it."

"There's no midgies in Chamonix."

"Where do I sign??"

But seriously.  WT-fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuck??!!!

And the guilt!  I'd already paid for my WHW place, taking that cherished spot on the start list and denying someone else the chance.  I definitely couldn't do them both (read previous blogs for any doubt of how long it takes me to recover!).  The only potential was if I could reach a decision fast enough then Ian (WHW Race Director) could *maybe* still offer my place to someone else given they were working through waiting list places.  I had to make a decision and fast!

I didn't want anyone to think I was turning my back on WHW.  I've said to many many people if I could only run one event for the rest of my days I would pick WHW race.  It means a lot to me and has shaped so many things in my life.  Meeting great people and pushing myself to limits I never knew existed.  But I didn't want that place to go to waste.  And I was a little (a lot) scared about telling Ian....

A few close confidants knew my predicament.  Everyone without fail said I had to give UTMB a chance.  With 8 months to get to the start line in the best shape of my life, I have just about enough time.  If I can commit.  Committing my head as much, if not more so, than my body.  I knew I had to take the chance.

Look
If you had
One shot
Or one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted
In one moment
Would you capture it
Or just let it slip?

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime

Who knew Eminem could continue to be such an inspiration?! (there's a reason this song is on regular repeat on my Gym playlist!)

I made the call (well, sent the email to Ian).  I paid my money to UTMB.  I felt sick.  With excitement.  With fear.

I've gone from the shock phase to the denial phase in the change curve.  

I'm skipping through to the uncertainty (I'm a worrier about everything in life!), confusion and acceptance stages at a rapid pace.

Challenge accepted.  Training commenced (more on this another day)!

It won't be easy.  

And that's just the way I like it.